Aliens in my Chest

Its 4:51 AM and for the last hour I have been writhing to differing degrees in response to varying levels of akward pains in the dead centre of my chest. I can't sleep because of it and so I thought I would make the most of this situation. I guess that means blogging.

So based on my albeit limited knowledge of biological symptoms and medical facts, I conclude these pains to be the result of unkown alien life forms taking up resident in my chest. This is terribly unfortunate for me, as Aliens are gross and disgusting (though usually friendlier than most...) and they now reside within my being. They are either growing or just having a party. There is no rhythm or musical element to the pangs of pain, nor does my blood alcohol levels seem to be on the rise, and so I do not believe this to be an alien party. They must be getting bigger, thats all. No worries! By this time next week they should be climbing out of the large hole they have eaten in my chest and seeking out the nearest Subway restraunt to get a real meal for once; my internal organs by no means constitute any sort of fine dining, regardless of planet of origin.

So when you hear news reports about the alien invasion around this time next week, you can tell all your friends that you knew this was coming, and they will all marvel at your social connection skills and be jealous of your ability to secure insider information. Everyone will want to slam a Red Bull with you! GO TEAM! The smart ones out there are going to make ten thousand T-Shirts and start the media hype right now, so you can score some big profits. What about me? No, I don't mind you making some cash on the side. I already have the joy of providing room and board for beings from another solar system. That is more precious than gold or silver friends. I truly am a lucky man. I can hardly wait to see them burst out of my ribcage so I can greet them properly! Hey! I wonder if this is what it is like being pregnant! My parents will be so pround of me! Their oldest son! PREGNANT! It might be hard having aliens for grandchildren. Especially if they turn out to have laser guns and try to eat all of mankind, but its in those times we learn the virtue of patience and unconditional love! Always be positive, thats what ol Herman used to say. That was before he got hit by lightning. Twice. We always joked about how he must have been a little TOO positive, oh hoh hoh! A little science jib for ya folks.

Well, I think I might be able to rest now. I hope. I want to be a good host for my personal invaders! Hey, what do you get little chest aliens for christmas? Chestnuts? Toblerone? A Ferrari?