Dirt for Lunch / Breathe

Jesus Birthday celebration was crazy in the usual way this year; since the 22nd of December I have yet to be asleep before 2:30 am, there are a thousand people to see, family of course and then the friends who are back home for a week or so. It is complete awesome in so many ways, and yet it is also draining, and here I am on the 30th of December, and I still feel Jesus is somewhat absent from the scene.

Well, actually, if its Jesus' birthday party, then he's gonna be there. Maybe its me who is absent.

I spent today recovering so to speak. Woke up at 11:20 and left the house once with Bran Muffin to grab another PS3 controller. We beat Resistance: Fall of Man this morning, just as a side note. We stopped a Global mutant viral outbreak in the 1940s. It was way cool ;) Heheh. Anyway, I did some reading too, Confessions by Saint Augustine. Gonna dig that book, I can tell you right now.

Ok, so anyway I had started pacing and making quarter hearted attempts at cleaning up minor messes in my room and the kitchen, symptoms that I am restless and something is out of whack. I had been in a rough mental battle almost the whole day and so I finally decided to step outside for a little walk. I had taken 5 steps out the door and everything changed. I'm sure the contrast in air quality between inside and outside played a factor... But it was a clear night, the moon and stars were beaming brightly...

I was standing on top of a big pile of snow made by the wonderful snow removal people in the middle of a culdesac and I had a moment where I found myself in a city with 50 thousand other people, in a country with 33 million people, in a world with 6.some billion more people. It dawned on me that I was the only one in those 6.some billion people that knew where I was or what I was doing.

And then there was another moment where I thought about those 6.some billion people on earth that I don't know anything about. And then I started thinking about people I do know, but how much do I really know about those people? A few conversations I have had lately have proven how little I actually know about some people. And myself? How much do I know myself? Sometimes I'm not sure I know myself all that well either!

AND THEN!!! I thought of my God, our God, The LIVING GOD, who spoke this earth into existence. Created it all. Created the sun, the moon the stars, the constellations, the galaxies. All of it. Each person who ever walked, walks, and ever will walk this earth, he knows each person completely, without exception. He knows every single other being alive right now AND IS CONCERNED WITH EACH ONE!!! How can this be? I cannot even find the time to be concerned with myself, and yet he watches AND is involved in the lives of everyone. Does not a single sparrow fall to the ground without his knowing it? THERE ARE LIKE A BILLION SPARROWS!!! THERE ARE LIKE A BILLION PEOPLE!!! Does this not blow anyone elses mind? This is our God! He is in all of creation; thats trees and flowers and bulls and turtles and shrimp and air and dirt and sun and water and solar systems and jupiter and eyeballs and apples and music and sunsets and quitness and laughter and farts and EVERYTHING....And YET! NOT ALL OF CREATION can contain the fullness of God! The totality of creation does not paint a full enough picture! And he is GOOD! Can you imagine a god of this magnitude on the loose if he was bad? That would be terrible! But its not terrible because he is a GOOD GOD who DOES WHAT HE WANTS! And he does it all the time and its always GOOD! He gives endlessly and yet is always full! He knows every thought you have ever thought. He knows every thought ANYONE has EVER even Thought about thinking!

I thought all those things and many more not written here, but God knows them ;) and I thought about this: Why do I even bother thinking of myself when I could be thinking about God? This is a legitimate question. God is far awesomer and cooler to think about than I can even think about dreaming about comprehending about fathoming, let alone ever coming close to being. I could be thinking about God all the time, but instead I think about myself! How stupid! In all honesty, that is like someone who is offered a seat at a kings banquet saying, "Gee, thanks, but you know what, I think I am going to just sit down right here and have a few handfuls of dirt. Man do I love dirt! Especially this dirt, this is some top notch D.I.R.T. No really! Wanna try some?"

So I thought about all these things. And then I just stood on top of my road snow mountain and looked up

And breathed a few times.

And this was the closest to rest as I have gotten all christmas.

Thank you Jesus for coming to show us there is more to life than us and more to you than what we could ever fully know. Thanks for saving us from dirt for lunch, and making a way for the father to set a place for us at his table and for being the way we can accept that invitation.