The things we forget...

It is amazing the things we forget.

My life was changed dramatically in September of 2005. I had a vision in which I was standing on top of a mountain from which nothing was hidden from my sight, I could see all things clearly. God's gentle but perfectly steady words accompanied this image: "This is what I see, Kaleb". In that moment I understood the sovereignty of our LORD to redeem ALL situations, his faithfulness to walk with us in ALL situations, his perfect mercy to forgive in ALL situations, the power in the sacrifice of Jesus to raise us from Death and thus rend us fearless in ALL situations.

More than ever before, I understood I could trust God.

The freedom that I experienced with that trust was so significant I wondered if I truly had been a Christian before that point. Every where I walked, Everyone I talked with, Whatever I did, God was there with me in the good times, he spoke softly to me in the lower times, and in all my successes and failures he was teaching me, even in my sins! did he redeem me, show me that the thing I did had no power over me. The word of God was alive in my hands and my heart, I could not stop soaking in God with my mind through books and sermons, with my heart through spending time in prayer, and with my strength in serving others through my areas of giftedness. The abundant life and freedom in Christ was mine.

I don't know when it changed.

John 10:10 has Jesus instructing us that "The Devil comes to Steal, Kill, and Destroy, but I come that you may have life to the full." Come mid November I began to feel like something was missing, but wasn't sure, kept pluggin on. By 2007 I knew something was wrong. I reflected back on the last year of my life and wondered what had happened. Was this my fault? I was sure it was. I felt like I didn't know who I was or what I was doing or what to think or feel about anything. It took a quieter day at home for all this to come to the surface. I had been so busy over Christmas that it never had time to surface. There were huge questions I had about big decisions in life and I was afraid to make the wrong choices and blow it somehow, choose wrong, step outside of Gods will.

Last Friday during my meeting with Steve Wilson, I was reminded how God is God regardless of our choices, and he is with us whatever we choose. This is a simple truth. And yet as I reflected upon that, I realized that was the truth that the Devil had stolen. Satan steals truth, which kills our trust and faith in God and then he leads us to destruction. Steal, Kill, Destroy. I do not know HOW long I agonized over deciding whether to work or not this semester or to finish off the first half of my degree, I choose college after the last second had ticked and had to scramble (still am) to get my life in line with my choice. Then even afterward I double guessed myself and doubted whether I had made the right decision.

THESE ARE NOT WORTHY THOUGHTS! Is it not so much better to turn our thoughts to how God can and will (he promises to) work through even our own SIN in order to display his love and bring us to maturity in Christ? Is it not better to dwell on the future and the present than the past? Is it not better to praise God who can bring us to the places he wants us even in spite of ourselves? Yes it is!

I do believe Paul once said that "Anything that does not come from faith and trust in God is sin"
Do not worry! Praise God!

True freedom is not a matter of geographical, social, or economical location.

It is Jesus in us.

As I remember that and learn how to make decisions without fear (Picture me staring at a dinner menu and sweating bullets....I got a long way to go :) I trust that God is God and that he will work in light of me AND in spite of me. I can taste the freedom and life that I once feasted on, and so this time I don't even need a menu. I know what I want.

Yum yum