Breakforth Thus Far

Its late and I am repulsed by the color of the skin under my eyes indicating my severe need for rest, so this is going to be quick.

Taylor basketball tournament went wonderfully. With the exception of the final, which was not our greatest game by a long shot, we played VERY well, and it was a blast, I love the guys on the team. Quite nice.

Breakforth has been good so far, things to remember are that if you want to enter into the abundant life of Christ, we must live with nothing to prove: Our worth was determined on the cross. Live with nothing to hide: If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Those are gods own words, meditate on them. THINK about what that means for you, me, us! Unreal! And Live with nothing to lose. Don't be deceived, we are all dying and nothing is coming with us, not our jobs, money, prestige, comfort, nothing. Its only a matter of minutes until we will stand before God and give and account for what we have done with Jesus offer of salvation. Have you accepted? Have you rejected? No question is weightier, friends.

He who is a slave to the compass has freedom of the seas. He who is a slave to Gods commands has freedom in abundance!

Tony Campolo spoke, I only got half of it cause of basketball, things to remember from that: That verse where Paul says whatever is good, noble, pure, true, righteous, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things: I had always thought of those things outside of myself, Tony talked about thinking about those things which come from God in us. What are the good things you have done today? How has God blessed someone through you today? Christians beat up on themselves so much, we want to serve God, we desire it, but we fail, and thats all we ever think about. Think about the good that springs from Jesus in you.
Also, focus on Jesus, remove everything else from your mind, heart, soul, until its just you and Jesus, and let him enter into you.

I asked someone to pray for me again, wen to the prayer room, and that was significant. From that time: GET INTO THE WORD, spend time in the word, walk with Jesus, talk with Jesus, praise god, pray, and FLEE FROM SIN, resist the devil! I am called to be in close close relationship with Jesus, and to sin violates that relationship, leaves room for satan to plant seeds of doubt and fear and guilt, which are not from God.

Thank you Jesus, that you paid it all. Thank you that you became my sin and bore the full fury of God in my place, and thank you that even after that, you have risen that we may have LIFE TO THE FULL. He is risen indeed friends!

Feelin GOOD

I am feelin great. I feel so good I decided to blog it. Thats good.

Nothing external has changed to bring about this "goodness". I keep remembering these things that I forget, remembering important truths that bring me back to Jesus, and that gets me to feelin GOOD!

Driving back from the Video Games Live concert, which was cool for sure, I was wondering if it was really a wise thing for me to go. It cost money and I missed more school because of it (Although I had bought tickets before I decided to go back to school this semester...) and so on the way back I was just weighing all these things in my mind. I listened to Romans twice and some good verses jumped out at me. The righteous live by faith, We are justified by faith, Anything that does not come from faith is sin, and that we should always be patient with those who seem to have less faith (or understanding or wisdom or whatever spiritual trait) because God has chose them.

Then I listened to some Mars Hill Seattle with Mark Driscoll. (Every single thing I have heard from this church is absolutely solid, and surprisingly funny. www.marshillchurch.org, get the podcast!) IT was a sermon about worship. I won't go into detail, but it got me thinking about what I have been worshipping lately. Not always Jesus. Then it got me thinking about how EVERYTHING I do can and IS supposed to be worship to Jesus. And then that started getting me excited, because I absolutely LOVE worshipping Jesus! I love it I love it I love it! Its like my life source, its like air. If I don't get it, everything starts to suck to a certain degree. Everything tastes bland, everything is a little off. And things have been feeling slightly off for a while now, some things WAY off. And so this whole realization that its a matter of worship in everthing, and that I have a choice. I can't choose much of what lot I have in life, but I can always choose to make Jesus first, to worship him first. Its an opportunity.

And that is when you find yourself experiencing the abundant life of Christ, because Jesus is worthy of all glory and all worship, and when our lives are a resounding agreement to that truth, we are close to paradise, for when the kingdom of God comes, there will be nothing to hold us back, nothing to distract us, nothing to hinder us from worshipping Jesus. All obstacles will be removed, and Jesus will finally be exalted to the fullness and volume he rightly deserves.

Dang I feel good :)

This week the trend....

The subject line is for all you relient K fans out there. And the few haters. You know who you are :)

Wanted to at least blog about actual physical events in my life, not whatever you call the previous blog, rant or reflection or something. These are a lot easier to write, but I never seem to write them. Why? Couldn't tell ya. Maybe its that multiple personality thing, but We're not sure. I'll have to ask us what we think...

This past tuesday I hopped in an SUV with Caitiln, Ambre, and Sam and Ami Ratslaff, and crusied to Etown for Evanescence. It was cool. First band was black Maria, who were new and neat, second band was Stonesour, whose lead singer was aggresive and talented and sly and evil and therefore freaked the girls out. Which is good. Swore a whole lot, pretty sure I could have done without that. Then Ami Lee came out and there were bubbles and a piano that ascended from the stage and some rockin out. I utilized my vast wisdom of musical performance lore and concocted a prediction as to what the first song played would be. I guessed well and proceeded to feel good about myself. Afterwards we went to our hotel and played cards with the girls. Caitlin won, which is not a surprise. Gotta get her to a casino some day...

Sam and I shared a room and I was so thankful for the conversations we had that night. We talked for hours about a lot of things, and through our conversation I found a great and wise friend and sorted out a lot of what has been going on in my head and heart the last few weeks. It was a great encouragement, our friends and family are amongst our greatest treasures, and times like these help me see more fully the extent of their value.

We did west ed and that was fun as usual. I have developed a love for rides that used to scare me, which has opened me up to a whole new world of fun (and weak knees). We drove home, I had a basketball game which we won with a 3 pointer in the last seconds of the game, it felt SO good to finally win again. we are 12 and 2. I won't say anything more about that.

Next week is VIDEO GAMES LIVE! I gotta skip more school for that, but I already bought tickets so I am not gonna worry about that, and then is the Basketball tournament and BREAKFORTH. I am getting pretty excited now that I think of it....hoboy...

The things we forget...

It is amazing the things we forget.

My life was changed dramatically in September of 2005. I had a vision in which I was standing on top of a mountain from which nothing was hidden from my sight, I could see all things clearly. God's gentle but perfectly steady words accompanied this image: "This is what I see, Kaleb". In that moment I understood the sovereignty of our LORD to redeem ALL situations, his faithfulness to walk with us in ALL situations, his perfect mercy to forgive in ALL situations, the power in the sacrifice of Jesus to raise us from Death and thus rend us fearless in ALL situations.

More than ever before, I understood I could trust God.

The freedom that I experienced with that trust was so significant I wondered if I truly had been a Christian before that point. Every where I walked, Everyone I talked with, Whatever I did, God was there with me in the good times, he spoke softly to me in the lower times, and in all my successes and failures he was teaching me, even in my sins! did he redeem me, show me that the thing I did had no power over me. The word of God was alive in my hands and my heart, I could not stop soaking in God with my mind through books and sermons, with my heart through spending time in prayer, and with my strength in serving others through my areas of giftedness. The abundant life and freedom in Christ was mine.

I don't know when it changed.

John 10:10 has Jesus instructing us that "The Devil comes to Steal, Kill, and Destroy, but I come that you may have life to the full." Come mid November I began to feel like something was missing, but wasn't sure, kept pluggin on. By 2007 I knew something was wrong. I reflected back on the last year of my life and wondered what had happened. Was this my fault? I was sure it was. I felt like I didn't know who I was or what I was doing or what to think or feel about anything. It took a quieter day at home for all this to come to the surface. I had been so busy over Christmas that it never had time to surface. There were huge questions I had about big decisions in life and I was afraid to make the wrong choices and blow it somehow, choose wrong, step outside of Gods will.

Last Friday during my meeting with Steve Wilson, I was reminded how God is God regardless of our choices, and he is with us whatever we choose. This is a simple truth. And yet as I reflected upon that, I realized that was the truth that the Devil had stolen. Satan steals truth, which kills our trust and faith in God and then he leads us to destruction. Steal, Kill, Destroy. I do not know HOW long I agonized over deciding whether to work or not this semester or to finish off the first half of my degree, I choose college after the last second had ticked and had to scramble (still am) to get my life in line with my choice. Then even afterward I double guessed myself and doubted whether I had made the right decision.

THESE ARE NOT WORTHY THOUGHTS! Is it not so much better to turn our thoughts to how God can and will (he promises to) work through even our own SIN in order to display his love and bring us to maturity in Christ? Is it not better to dwell on the future and the present than the past? Is it not better to praise God who can bring us to the places he wants us even in spite of ourselves? Yes it is!

I do believe Paul once said that "Anything that does not come from faith and trust in God is sin"
Do not worry! Praise God!

True freedom is not a matter of geographical, social, or economical location.

It is Jesus in us.

As I remember that and learn how to make decisions without fear (Picture me staring at a dinner menu and sweating bullets....I got a long way to go :) I trust that God is God and that he will work in light of me AND in spite of me. I can taste the freedom and life that I once feasted on, and so this time I don't even need a menu. I know what I want.

Yum yum

The Next Chapter...

The coalition of goodness (Steven, Brandon, Kaleb) find themselves up against greedy landladies and crooked real-estate agents in a legal battle over rediculously high rent increases and other such landlord/tennant issues. What will our heroes do? Will they stand their ground or turn tail and run? Tune in next time for our dramatic conclusion!

For real, our landlady served us notice of rent increase in January, which was not legal for her to do so, and now even if we were to get out of here this month, she still will want the full rent or will just keep our damage deposit. So we seem to have no choice but to stick this out. If anything goes to court, we are in the right for sure. Landlady has played big and tough to scare us off, but thats not happenin.

We are on the side of Justice, we will prevail!

I had decided to go to work and pay off some debt here this coming semester, no school, but then I decided to take a people helping course at PRBI and then I was all confused about what the best plan was, so I asked God to make it clear to me last friday. And he did! I went to the college on a bit of a whim and ended up setting up a course schedule I am quite happy with. This is going to be a busy semester. AND THEN what? Camp, but beyond that? I dunno. God has some plans, he will open some doors. I always worry about the future, I want to do the right thing, but all that makes me do is worry more now...

At the door yesterday was a unique night. It was pretty normal to start, but God is in the business of shaking things up. I had never heard people praying in tounges before, and I had a chance to hear that from a few people actually that night, which is so awesome! I don't have the gift of tounges, but hearing some people praying to God in a different language was a new experience, and at first it was kinda strange, but really it was just like hearing the Muldovan people pray in russian or romanian. God understands all languages, he isn't an english God who learned another language. Which is easily forgetable sometimes :)

For the last month or so I have been in a bad headspace, and I have come to understand that it is because much of the way I think is not in the light of truth, and that fear is a motivating factor in almost everything I do. This revelation might be God preparing me for the People Helping class I am auditing, which will help me understand these things more. Truthfully, I believe that I wasn't even aware of the fear in my life because of the ways I had spiritualized them. When my motivation was fear, I would manage to paint it as righteousness or wisdom or humility. So these fears that I am just starting to uncover had in the last month cause me so much brain strain and confusion that it was starting to choke me spiritaully. It was starting to kill me.

At The Door was a significant experience for me because toward the end, I sensed that I should ask this girl who seemed to be very much in tune with the spirit that night to pray for me. Right away a guy came along side her and they did, and they sat in silence for a while and then she prayed quietly in the spirit, communicating with God in a language I did not understand. Then she prayed over me (i understood this) and for about 5 minutes probably the two of them prayed over me, and in thier words God confronted *every* issue of worry and confusion that had been eating at my soul. Every issue (I've identified lots) was spoken into with the truth of Gods word. It was powerful, and I was a sinvelling sobbing wreck facedown on the floor by the end of it. He's the master of the universe after all. After cleaning up my snot and tears I proceeded to leave.

The thing is that the fear is still there. He didn't take it away. But he gave me hope and armed me for battle against the lies of Satan.

I decided to mark this point by shaving my head :) I have always secretly wanted to, and that desire kind of made its way out that night. It took over an hour and totally wrecked the razor I used, and I needed to use a CD as a second mirror to get a view of the back, lol. New year, new hope, new life, new plans, so why not start with a clean slate...or head? Its like I'm a chia pet!

I dreamt that my hair had grown a full inch overnight and felt somewhat at a loss to find that infact my hair had not grown at all. Immediately I began to wonder what people would think and how some people will react and all of a sudden I almost wished I never had shaved anything. I understood there that all those thoughts are based in some sort of strange fear, telling me that it is still there. But now I see it for what it is, and now I can fight it with truth.

So that is how you can pray for me, for freedom from fear and the renewing of my mind. This is the Next Chapter and I am looking forward to living it. And for the triumphant return of my hair. Oh glorious hair. I miss it already, having a shaved head makes the whole scalp like a slab of velcro. For realz!