dangit

I keep thinking back to the events of these last few months, last year, and I try not to, but they just keep playing over and over again in my mind. Could they have been different? Could it have gone better? This is SO hard to deal with! Especially because I believe the answer to be... yes. I could have done things differently, I certainly could have.

And that is almost too much to handle; it just eats away at me driving me nuts at times!I try not to see things that way, but it is a real challenge for me to let go of the past, accept the present, and move toward the future. I know that noone can do it for me, and I know that its an active, continual choice that I have to make.

Time to suck it up I guess.

WHY is that so hard?!?

and WHY is it so hard for me to accept myself in this situation and be thankful for what I have learned, and for the grace and mercy that covers me?

Pride?

Yeah, amongst other things.

I don't even know what to write here.

Camp planning has been going alright. It's gonna be different this year, for sure. In a refining way I hope. God Works all things together for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I am a bit excited for some of the new ideas I have come across in my prep, and also a bit excited that Steve will be there, I hope this summer strengthens his faith. Sounds like my cousin Erick is coming down this year for a week. Actually, now that I think of it, this summer is going to be an awesome summer for staff, we have excellent people for the job for sure.

I can be such a pessimist at times! wow. Either everything is wonderful or everything is bleak from my perspective. Neither is healthy. arg..

Why so downcast O my soul?

WHY SO DOWNCAST SOUL? You listen to me for a second. Put your hope in God. That is not an option! Put your trust in the Lord. You will praise him yet, soul.....

I will praise him yet....